I owe y'all posts, so I promise, part III (the finale) of love of my life is coming, along with the drug post and some others...meanwhile, a babby daddy rant.
I've been biting my tongue for the last month about this whole thing, trying to work out a civil disagreement, some sort of parental compromise. Despite the fact that I think my ex is a hemorrhoidal a$$hole (at times) who needs psychological help, I do understand two fundamental facts:
a) he's still my son's father, and I cannot replace him
b) I chose him to be the father (even if the pregnancy was unplanned)
So, it's my lot to deal with (some) of the consequences of those facts. No, we don't get along well. No, he's not a good father. But I try to work with him, through our arguments, our not seeing eye-to-eye, our fights about child support, etc.
But there's one thing that m*tha f*ckin' galls me: the opt-out option. See, that's the route of the irresponsible non-custodial parental unit....when the times get rough, the sorry opt the f*ck out.
While my son was sick repeatedly with pneumonia, to the tune of 6 different bouts and 3 hospital stays, he opted out. Days I spent at the hospital, he opted out. The day our son was diagnosed with developmental delays, he opted out. Nights on feeding tubes, and heart/lung monitors, he opted out. One incident where I spent 6 days in the hospital, unable to shower or change clothes, because our son was on IV fluids and kept pulling the IV out, he opted out. Hell, the night our son was born he opted out (left my hospital room, to sleep with another woman, in our bed). He opted out not just on our relationship, but also the idea of being a parent, pretty much from day 1. But I chalked all that up to his being a new parent, with his first child, and tried until I just couldn't try anymore, to make him be responsible. I finally left, when he started getting me into legal trouble.
My irresponsible non-custodial parental unit then opted out for 3 years. After a year without child support, rarely visiting, he made an irresponsible move on his part. My enraged response was to decide that if he couldn't be responsible, my son was better off. So yes, I opted out, for a while. He happily complied, not calling, not asking about us, not giving a dayum how we ate, lived, about school, about how I was working, nothing for three m*tha f*ckin' years. Finally, I swallowed my pride, and apologized to him, because I felt like it was more important for my son to have a father, than for me to prove my point about his irresponsibility, and it was only then that he opted back in. But even then, that didn't guarantee his responsibility.
Well gaht dayum if it didn't reinforce his thinking. His a$$ has exercised this option over and over and over again ever since. When I approached him with a visitation schedule, he opted out. The first time I got seriously involved with someone else, he opted out. When he got pissed off at me about the child support agreement, he opted out, in court. Unfortunately for me, the child support mediator didn't handle visitation issues. So, when he opts out, I'm the sole parent, and my recourse is limited. Yeah, I could hire a lawyer, fight it out, but this brotha is sorry, and didn't work for three years....he'd disappear, I already know this.
Jump to now. I'd love to pinpoint the root-cause of our current strife but there isn't just one. There are a few: his other baby-mama has a new boyfriend; he's having relationship problems; I moved into a new house; I borrowed money from him; she went back to school; she borrowed money from him; I bought a new truck, he lost his job; he broke down her door; he professed his undying love for me; I told him there's no chance we'd ever get back together. Ever.
Root cause or not, the bottom line is he still owes me $thousands$ of dollars in back child support, we still don't have a visitation agreement, and he still opts out whenever he friggin feels like it.
People (brothers and sisters alike), to get respect as a parent, you have to earn it, which is impossible to do when you're still engaging in the same behavior you did to lose it in the first f*cking place. That shyt should be common sense.
Yeah, I'm sick and m*tha f*ckin tired of the opt out option, but I refuse to take responsibility for making my ex be a responsible father. Like I told him, being irresponsible is easy, it's the sticking around trying to make broken things work that's the hard part, and has been the bulk of my parenting experience.
...you don't have to look hard for a reason to opt the f*ck out..any old excuse will do...to be a good parent, you have to find the reason to stay. And it should be somewhere in your child's eyes.
I find creative ideas for accomplishing typical & atypical goals, pretty darn attractive. 
