Much of it has been personal. VERY personal. So personal, in fact, that it's become burdensome. If you're wondering why I'm stopping - that's it, in a nutshell. The joy I once felt in writing in this space is gone, for more reasons than I care to recount. But I am busy, things have changed - and I'd rather spend my time doing things, than talking about doing them.
My only goal when I started blogging/writing was to make some sense of what I was going through. And to tell the truth.
Blogging has evolved dramatically in the last 9 years, and with it....comes the time to ask myself if I need to evolve also. The answer is yes.
So, with that - it's time to go.
I want to thank you - those of you that have taken the time to read my stuff, and give me feedback, comments, email me, etc. I appreciate all that you've shared with me, positive and negative.
And no, I haven't stopped writing completely - it's just time for the journey to take a new direction.
author's note: this started as a tweet, but warrants more than 140 chars.
So, I met a guy. An attractive, employed, reasonably sane guy who seemed keenly interested. Interested enough, in fact, to spend 5+ minutes convincing me that I should take his number, despite the fact that I told him I'm not dating (more on that later).
We chatted on occasion, both before and after my trip to Switzerland. General stuff, work, marital status, kids, etc. Nothing heavy, but with my trip and subsequent illness, we never got past small pleasantries. But I was still curious. I called him this weekend to let him know I'd finally recovered enough to actually go on the date he'd talked me into.
Why did this guy ask me: "can we kick it at the place where we met?"
What the f*ck would we do? Would he buy me a 20 oz soda and a Slim Jim? Would we share casual repartee while splitting a bag of Fritos? Would he then buy me a coupla gallons of gas, and send me on my way? Da hell?
Okay, let me be really honest. I'm honestly feeling like I can't with ANY dude. The level of bullshyt has gotten too high. From the dudes asking me to split a $20 tab (that I felt some kind of way about and posted accordingly), to the guys that don't even make it to this page, being so completely full of shyt that I deem un-blog-worthy, or too crazily out there that you won't believe they really happened. Like the guy that asked me to prove that I liked him by giving him head on the first date. OR the guy who after a 45 minute interview where he bombarded me with questions (literally a barrage of question after question without allowing me to interject: What are my politics? religion? educational background? career aspirations? last sexual partners?) declared that I'm worthy of another date. Or the 50-11 guys who ask me out on meet & greets.
Does any of that seem like fun? And, without giving details on their appearance or resume, does that seem remotely appealling?
I'm a healthy, red-bloody, 99% heterosexual (there was that one awesome unrequited girl crush in college...), african-american woman, reasonably intelligent, moderately cultured, relatively open-minded. And I've gotta say...
I keep telling myself this is the last straw, and I'm out. And someone convinces me NOT to throw in the towel. So, I give another guy a shot, and he f*cks up more than the last guy did.
I mean, it's a slippery, downhill slope. After that last bit - I'm scared to meet the next bad date.
So, this is it, hm? Really? This is what dating in our community consists of? Someone please, tell me this is rock bottom, cause I don't want to know what's next.
I've stayed away from politics/economics/social theories for a while - because honestly I twitter (see twitter box at right) - and the people I follow, both via blogs/twitter do politics so much better than I. But this is truly sticking in my craw.
I was...ok, let me be honest...I believe I was watching the True Blood season finale on 9/18, and left HBO on because I was in shock, lol. But I caught Real Time with Bill Maher, as his guests were:Journalist Matthew Continetti (editor of The Weekly Standard, contributing writer to the Washington Post and the LA Times); historian Annette Gordon-Reed (The Hemingses of Monticello, Harvard Professor); author Jeffrey Toobin (staff writer at The New Yorker since 1993 and the senior legal analyst for CNN); former health insurance executive Wendell Potter; and comic David Cross.
And (of course) the first topic of discussion was Obama's health reform efforts, debates regarding it, etc....and the following discussion snapped me back to reality:
Bill Maher: Are we (Americans) a good people? ......what is it about the American character that allows us to do what no other nation in the world does, which is make a buck off of breast cancer?
Matthew Continetti:I don't think it's the American character...I think it's the American political system.
Bill Maher: But doesn't one lead to the other?
Matthew Continetti:No, not at all...you can have....
note: this is where Bill & I both simultaneous pumped the brakes
Bill Maher: Our political system is not the outgrowth of our character?
Matthew Continetti:Well, our political system was created 200 years ago, so it's not going to reflect the characters of people.
Bill Maher: The system we have now does not reflect the system we had 200 years ago.
Matthew Continetti: Well, it's also the case that as government grows, and lobbyists are able to get their way, what the lobbyists want is to protect the status quo......I want a competitive marketplace....I want to go in another direction, where you have a free market.
Jeffrey Toobin: This is why we don't have....why we have the system we do. Because people like Matthew genuinely believe that the market is the answer to virtually all problems...and that is a well established view in this country across the board...
...and I totally agree with Jeffrey. And I find this both maddening and terrifying.
I zoned out as they debated the Healthcare public option vs. single payer systems, and whether or not a "free market" could work in the health insurance industry. I zone out - because I couldn't get past Matthew's awkward marginal response to Bill Maher's original question: "Are we a good people?" It was almost as if the idea of a collective "us" (i.e. Americans) being a good people was antithetical to him.
"Good? Pssshaw - America is soulless. The free market should step in, to avoid us making moral decisions, and the government being charged to execute/implement them."
The conversation continued, with some discussion about whether compassion should be expressed by the government spending money, whether Bush was compassionate (!), etc. And as it continued, the only thought that crossed my mind was that Matthew had no experience or frame of reference with America's collective social conscious, so his responses shouldn't be surprising.
See, Matthew, like so many people now, is a product of the 1980's, and their collective consciousness is capitalist; their guru is Gordon Gecko: ">
Greed, indeed, is good.And the free market defines/clarifies/purifies it all. (and if it wasn't clear, yes - that is sarcasm).
what's a collective social conscious you ask?:: I can remember being a kid in the 1970's, and being held captive in class watching movie reels of public service announcements ranging from the benefits of nuclear energy, why littering is bad for the environment, why it's good to eat breakfast, why you should listen to your parents (Timmy was forever making bad decisions, wasn't he?)... to not drinking the stash of brightly colored liquids underneath mom's sink:
But also, I can remember PSA's about the role of government in our lives, and the 3 branches of government, and how bills are passed, and why (as good American citizens) we're required to participate in the voting process. Now, mind you - it was all propoganda, granted. But it did create a spirit of collectivism (well that, and those air raid drills which were terrifying). We were in this together. And together, we knew (from these movie reels) what was important to us: family, values, taking care of each other, participating, making a difference. Oh, and brushing our teeth.
the decline:: whose idea was it to take all this out of the minds of our youth? Out of the classroom, and off Saturday morning tv? I can remember watching cartoon's in the 1990's with my daughter, and it seemed like most of them were geared toward combating our declining moral values, than instilling any values in us, they talked about STD's, and not smoking, internet safety, and not being prejudiced. Ok, I get it - I know what NOT to do. But when did we teach the kids what they SHOULD do?
We took values out of the classroom, off of popular media, and left it strictly to parents, even as we said "it takes a village". And what happened? We created a nation of Matthews. The idea of a collective social conscious totally escapes them. Then we wonder why the idea of socialism is completely abhorent to them. But someone should've created a PSA about Socialism, Communism, Democracy and other socio-economic/political ideologies, so they'd truly understand the concepts they so freel bandy about.
But back to the original question:: Are we a good people? Matthew's answer seemed like deflection. It was a classic non sequitor, or if not that - at least an appeal to common practice, which in this case is free market capitalism, which obviously is the only solution to our nations' problems.
This premise that capitalism/free markets is the only solution is flawed. We haven't taught our children that there may possibly be other options that are not only applicable, but viable, in certain applications. We haven't taught them that those other options may have value. Don't get me wrong - I couldn't live in a purely socialist country. But universal health care is far from socialist. And we never taught our children that. Hell, a lot of us know this, but are willfully ignorant because it serves us well to promote Capitalism.
Right now, I've love a SchoolHouse Rock remix, that illustrates our insurance system for the masses. And an animated Supernews explanation of Socialism/Capitalism/Deomcracy and social consciousness for Matthew. Not that I think he'd actually watch it. SMH
