Dating PSA #16 - What a Woman Wants

Speak life into existence.

So, I've found myself over the last few years, wondering why dating basically *sucks* so much, and why I've been noticing my growing dislike for it. I couldn't really come up with an answer that makes sense. Until I got back from Switzerland, and this guy who was interested in me asked me how my trip was...

a lil context: as you may well know, I've been a little frustrated with dating (er, ya think?). Most of what I've been doing the last few years consists of meet & greets, coffee dates, or low-brow haphanded attempts at my goodies, and me firing another candidate. very sterile, very guarded, very safe. fun, wow.

Well, we were discussing whether "vanilla" dates - meet & greets, coffee dates, etc had value. I know they have their place, but for me - they're a turn off. And then I recounted for him a particular part of my trip to illustrate.

the following is my portion of the conversation...

me: A___ & Tasha....we're friends, yanno? and when I'm with them, I feel good
me: REALLY good

me: I haven't felt like that...that same feeling, with or about a man...in years
me: LOL
me: when I'm with them, I can securely be myself, talk about whatever and feel great
me: light hearted
me: smart
me: free spirited
me: adventurous
me: what I'm saying is....that I want to be able to feel that same way around a man
me: free-spirited
me: adventurous
me: light hearted
me: happy
intelligent
sexy
me: without feeling fearful...or guarded...or having to dumb down for him, yanno?
me: we sat at the Rheinefall, under candlelight...and drank proseco and ate schnitzel or some other swiss meal....and talked about family, and community, and activism...and work....and traveling....and how we can put our families back together
me: and men...and how much we love black men, and how it hurts sometimes that they're not loving us back the way we deserve
me: I want the man...wherever he may be.....in GA, or NY...or hell...London...that is motivated to not let challenges become major obstacles....that will figure out a way to overcome then, yanno?

I keep thinking this isn't a lot to ask for. A date with a man who actually admires, adores, is interested in, respects, and/or wants to get to know, me. Not just poke me on the shoulder and ask for punani. Interested. In me.

...Am I asking too much?