Real quick - I'm sick of whining:: I can't take the sound of my thoughts revisiting my myriad & sundry bad dates at the moment. If I have to put fingers to keyboard one more time, to TRY and describe how far dating has fallen for me - I may slice off my own dayum fingers, m'kay?
Not to mention the whining of my single female friends - and given the "70% of black single professional women" circle of sisters I run with, that's a whole lot of whining. So, I'm taking my dating life back. It's mine to enjoy (or suck at) as I please.
My dating life?:: you're probably thinking - WTF is she babbling about? Well, simply - I ALLOW a lot of bullshyt that I wouldn't have entertained - even jokingly - 10 years ago. Paying for my own drinks? Brothas basically and unsubtly attempting to rationalize their brutish behavior? Dudes lining up the next date while WE'RE still at dinner? Getting rated on the Real Housewives of Atlanta scale of attractiveness (I don't care HOW many men are watching this - I call bullshyt on this being pop-culturally correct)? Hell, naw shawty - to use a Southern-fried colloquialism, where dey do dat at?
But, I put up with this - or ignored it, which amounts to a tacit approval. The 20/30-something Saga woulda raged like the Bull she was born as. But the 40+-year old Saga, like a lot of her sister-friends, thinks that raging is a waste of energy. So instead of a well-placed & indignantly loud "brotha, please!", I've been wont to pay the janky 1st date bill, send a text "delete my number" or some overly graceful way of pulling out. Honestly - these guys deserve a collective slap upside the head.
My point is - we're responsible for the way men treat us:: and all the whining in the world isn't going to change that. I have a good friend, who's kinda smart, and happily married, who - like a lot of my male friends - tells me to man up. Not "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" man-up though. No, he's more of a slap me in the back of the neck, and say "Saga, you knew better when you even entertained that fool" kinda brotha. And with him calling bullshyt, on my ability to engage and entertain bullshyt, I have no choice but to tell a brotha to "get to steppin".
Yeah, before you say it - I know and I agree - we shouldn't have to change our behavior because some men are so brolic. Men should man up. Should. But damnit, I'm not holding my breath until that happens. You shouldn't either.
Meanwhile, some reading material:: If you're like me, and have been feeling some kind of way, do something about it. I'm reading Michael Eric Dyson's "Why I Love Black Women" and have Hill Harper's "The Conversation: How Black Men & Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships" on preorder. I intend to actually open the floor (and my home) up for some conversations about the current state of relations between us - and hopefully this discourse will give me some encouragement.
And I've got my pimp hand ready. Seriously. I'm not a bag lady - I'm not going to make a "good guy" pay for the mistakes the previous "bad" brothers made with me.
But.
I have no problem calling bullshyt when I see it. And slapping the offender upside the head accordingly. You should try it - it's cathartic.
...and that's so as it should be. You let me be the woman I am, and you can gladly wear the pants in the family.
I WISH (cannot stress this enuff - iwishiwishiwishiwishiwishiwishiwish) that those of us, men & women with sense, self-esteem, a relationship perspective that's relatively healthy and a vested interest in improving this situation - I WISH we could find an action-path that would help. I really do.
I'm going to keep this real simple. Your definition of happiness is yours and yours alone. If a man cannot meet that standard, then yeah, bounce negro! However, I would advise this: When a man of substance does enter your life, and he will because we do exist, be ready to adjust. Be ready to accept, Be ready to let that man be a man because THAT man will love you being the woman you are. I did not compromise when I chose and accepted the woman in my life and there's no way I would advise any woman to any different. The plight of women is THE issue of the 21st century and we would all do well to get behind and support the WOMEN in our lives. Happy Dating. Dope post. -Harlem Lexicon
Of course...yanno, the funny thing is, I didn't realize how much I'd let the sickness affect me - until someone else told me a story about their dating "sickness" - and it sounded a lil too wild - and way too familiar for comfort.
Trip to GA? Just let me know when's good for you - I have a vacation planned Sept 28 - October 5th, but anytime OTHER than that is fine with me...looking forward to seeing you & MamaInk...
Let me be the first to say bravo for taking your Life back. I could slap you around for listening to sick people give you crap about how youre feeling, but I'd rather embrace the positive.
WHat say we schedule one of those far enough in advance so us folks can make a trip to participate. You know my kind needs some time to arrange babysitters and travel arrangements and get off work and such.