I've been thinking about partnerships lately. About marriage, about work, about this country, our government and our responsibilities as individual American citizens. About how most relationships, business relationship or personal relationships, are all built on the foundations of a partnership.
By definition:1: the state of being a partner : participation2 a: a legal relation existing between two or more persons contractually associated as joint principals in a business b: the persons joined together in a partnership3: a relationship resembling a legal partnership and usually involving close cooperation between parties having specified and joint rights and responsibilities
Nicely done. Given that, we get who's involved, and some idea that a) there should be some agreement (contract) between the partners and b) the roles of each partner should be defined as well as c) there should be some cooperation between said partners as well. Think that's all well and good, and the average person could agree on that and extend all that to most relationships...here's where I think it gets tricky....
Joint rights. Joint responsibilities. Ugh - that means all partners must do something and be accountable for something, and are entitled to somethings, eh? Yah, methinks that's where the proverbial rubber hits the road.
In marriage:: I think generally people tend to forget about that last piece. A lot. I was talking with a friend about their recent divorce, and their "never again" attitude, and while I could understand it, I'm definitely a "never-say-never" kind of person. I have a few, er - friends (ex-dates, but let's not make this about me....lol) that have stated that whole "never-again" position. Typically, it's due to financial reasons. Understandable. Sometimes, it's due to a lack of a compelling reason. Hm.
As always, I have an ancedote: an extended late-night visit to the dentist (from 5:30PM to 5:00 AM. don't ask). But around 9PM-ish, the dentist's wife came in, put on some latex gloves, and played assistant, prepping rooms, checking to see if patients were comfortable, processing payments, making appointments and taking phone calls.
When I temporarily got the dentist outta my mouth, I had to tell her that I admired their partnership, how they worked together, the support, etc. She laughed, and we discussed it. She said "It wasn't always like this.....it's a second marriage for both of us....we're older now....our kids are grown....our reasons for getting married this time are definitely different than the first time, and our reasons for staying married are even slightly different than they were for getting married...." ....which I think is as it should be.
Marriage (and personal relationships between lovers) are at their core, a partnership. An agreement, with a contract - that can be modified as well as broken. But the terms of that partnership are completely up to the parties involved. It's their responsibility to define those terms, to define that contract and add/subtract whatever clauses are necessary.
In any partnership, even if one partner is ecstatic, and the other partner is miserable, the partnership alone isn't necessarily the compelling reason to remain. The MBA in me says as long as there's a valid ROI that's within expectations, the partnership's viable.The desire to retain the partnership, due to the other things derived from it (companionship, support, well-founded faith, financial reasons, lust, passion, spiritual reasons, agape love, or even desperation) as long as both partners are willing and agree, should be the reason to "stay in" and "work it out", whether it's a marriage, work relationship, or something else...
More under the cut....
Ah, work:: You may want to think this scenario is different, that your job/company/boss is huge, and you're just some little guy taking orders, but the same logic applies. My boss likes to say that to "do the right thing" we should be "good partners" with our company. We've allegedly got the same mission, goals, corporate values, etc. Sounds sorta like a partnership, yes? We have parties to it, there are agreements and contracts, and each has rights & responsibilities. Ha, I know you're wondering...? Yes, I have an anecdote ;)
A coworker got recruited to assist with an important presentation, at the 25th hour (not long before flights were departing, and long after hotels had been fully booked). Although his wife and 2 small (<5 yrs old) children weren't ecstatic, he's a "good partner" so he did what he had to do. Lots of last-minute rescheduling/cancellations and a few travel mishaps later, and he was at a pretty large conference of upper-level managers, including a whole slew of C-levels (that's MBAspeak for the CEO, CIO, CFO and the Board of Directors, amongst others).
Now, he's a geek, like I'm a geek - we both work on projects (software) that come from the business development folks. The presentation was a business development presentation. He was serving as tech support - ensuring that the C-levels got their presentation sans technical glitches. And, yes - technical glitches are somewhat unavoidable. So, he's really just mitigating risks (minimizing/avoiding). At hour 27 however, late the night before, with the C-levels sleeping peacefully, a major glitch occurred. He had to make a decision to minimize the risk, which he did. And went to sleep very late, and very fitfully that night.
The next day 5 minutes before the presentation, as the C-levels are sipping coffee in anteroom, he gets a call from his manager. His hiring/promotion/firing manager::
manager:: I heard we had a problem last night.
him:: We did, but I decided to do Action X. That should address the issue.
manager:: Why didn't you decide to do Action Y?
him:: Action Y was riskier and had less chance of a positive response than Action X. I didn't want to risk it.
manager:: Are you sure? Action Y is still possible....?
him, thinking risky Action Y will take at least 30 minutes (and more C-level delaying) and safe Action X is already available:: I considered the alternatives, and I'm sure.
manager:: Ok. It's your job on the line. *click*
him:: hunh?
business development dude next to him We're going to need you to talk through the intro to the presentation, and you've got about 3 minutes.
him:: *gulp*
Can you imagine?
I gotta give it to him for pulling it off, and not walking out. But it just demonstrates that work relationships are a partnership. It was/is his choice to stay and work at it. Even when the terms change. I'm glad it worked out for him, but it made me reexamine whether this partner is the right partner for me. And what I'd be willing to do to continue making it work.
The good 'ole USofA:: Our government is a partner, whether we believe it or not, are willing or not. We have tacit and implicit agreements with it, some which we condone, some that we do not. Many parties are involved, willing and unwilling. We both have (semi) defined roles, and (semi) defined responsibilities. And we have contracts.
The nice thing about it, however - is that those contracts with the government are formally renegotiated and renewed periodically. Every 2-4 years.
Yeah, there's a campaign going, and I'll comment on that later. For now, I believe that even the most resistant, most apathetic, most disenfranchised Americans need to examine this race, and the direction our country has been headed in, and determine where they'd like our leaders to take us. As a partner, is our government working for you, and is it taking you where you'd like to go? Are you happy with the current partners? The current contracts?
A quick story:: a good friend of mine refuses to vote. Refuses to "participate in a System of corruption between the oppressive and corrupt government and multi-national corporations that continues to propogate racist and classist behaviors" etc. I understand this. However, if you're really going to "not participate", you have to make a universal stand. Don't be a consumer. Don't pay taxes. Don't work, directly or indirectly, for any multi-national corporations. Don't drive. Don't buy gas. Don't be entertained. If you're going to secede, you have to secede from everything...otherwise you're still a participant, and the only thing you're abdicating is your right to potentially change things..
Don't get me wrong - I agree. The system has major issues. But we (as a partner) have rights and responsibilities. The right to voice our dissatisfaction in one way or another. Griping is one (ineffectual, but valid). Voting is another. Not voting gives a freebie on the plus side to everything that you stand against.
Partnerships. We all choose how we participate in them. We choose our role, we help define our responsibilities and the contracts, and we decide whether they will continue. Or not.
If you're in an unhappy partnership, isn't it time to leave? Or can you do what it take to work things out?
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