Ok, so here's the deal:
thePC's:: Yes, my primary PC crashed completely. Windows reinstall, missing drivers, data is here (somewhat) , applications aren't, so the system is wrecked. My backup PC is still fried. My geekiness is highly suspect for letting this happen.
theGig:: Some things have gone on at the gig. I'm still employed, but supremely not happy. SUPREMELY. No, my job wasn't in jeopardy. My integrity was/is. I'll try to expand on this later.
theLoveLife:: *sighs* news-anti-flash - black men have issues. And so do men of other races. I've thrown the towel in and snatched it back so many times, I'm ready to burn that biyotch.
Wait, let me 'splain - I've gotten pickier about who I chose to spend time with. Excluding blue-collar men, brothers lacking some college education, brothers looking for a "casual" friend, brothers lacking fashion sense, and/or the overly arrogant because they're over 35 and single brothas, etc. So, despite my friends attempts to hook me up, and the volumes of married men trying to get at me, or brothers who frankly are still "chillin", I'm k-solo. The applicants are no longer even making it through my pre-screening process. According to E, I'm a Terry McMillan character. I refuse to travel to Jamaica to get my 'groove back', on the grounds that it may "Star Jones" me.
There was that one dude, the non-brotha, but he's on the married suspects list. Oh well.
theVolunteering:: Mentoring is going fine. However, I'm disappointed about the grant we're trying to give away. Non-profit work is a hustle, and lots of folks are getting rich off it. I just had no idea that it was as slick as a new marketing campaign for an iShuffle.
theEverdayThings theKids are fine, theCrib's coming along, theHealth's what it is, and right now, it is fine (although a diet & exercise would be a beautiful thing). Overall, the word copacetic comes to mind.
theRain:: O-kaay. I'm going to avoid melodrama here, and just say that I've been off & on depressed for quite some time. Not in a "glass half empty" way, but moreso in a "is this the life that I wanted?" way. This has been lately exacerbated by the situation with theGig and theLoveLife (and theCrib, which is a whole lotta work that I'd love to share..lol).
A while ago, I worked on a project for an African-American Studies: Marriage & Relationship class, on Leanita McClain. Ms. McClain committed suicide in 1984, as a result of many factors, including "the isolation she grappled with as a result of her success". That's a very succinct answer to the question of Why, but if you want to know more, I uploaded Bebe Moore Campbell's essay "To Be Gifted, Black and Alone" which goes into much greater depth about what Leanita dealt with before her death.
I'm sharing all this, because I relate much, much too closely with her state of mind, and the feelings that she may have struggled with. I've got my own demons, most that you know about, and some I don't allude to but you can probably guess. theRain is that, personified, me struggling with these demons, trying to figure out why the life I created is still unsatisfying, and how I can fix that. I'm still struggling with it. It's a pull-up-your-girdle-and-keep-it-moving-process, occasionally (2-3X/qtr) involving alcohol and a support system that spans this country, but the struggle continues. As Kathy Y. Wilson so eloquenty put in the Cincinnati CityBeat, January 2005:
~ Internalized self-destruction as escapism from external destruction is a despicable non-option.
I'm avoiding addictions both "real" and "retail", as well as suicide both "real" and "corporate". I'm keeping on, and I'll be fine, as long as I ackowledge theRain is real, and I've got a right to be frustrated when it shows up. "nuff said.
U are pushing along on the blogfront and writing some good stuff. Keep fighting the good fight!