True love. In whatever shape or form it may come. May we all in our dotage be proud to say 'l was adored once, too.' ~ Gareth, Four Weddings and a Funeral
In the spirit of my colleague's PSA - btw, thanks Fave for the inspiration - I'm officially done complaining about dating. It only sucks if you give the suckiness air (or insert some other sort of "breeding negativity" cliche here). In the interim, and while my chastity belt is still semi-intact, I'd like to offer a few tips for folks who (like myself) have been out of the game for a while, and are trying to get back in the swing. 'Specially men. 'Particularly the G & S crowd.
10 Easy Ways to Put the 'man' back in the word Romance
- Creative dissonance: Dinner and a movie? Trip to Dave & Busters? Please - horrîblé! Grab your date, your local cultural newspaper, and pick the furthest thing from your "normal" dating routine. A scenic drive to pick fresh fruit, a picnic on the beach, grilling in a local park, a free concert featuring your new undiscovered artist, or all of the above can be the ticket to relax, relate, reveal...
- relax, relate, reveal: Yes, putting your best foot forward is important. But don't choke while hiding those brontosaurus bones in the back of your conversation. To gain a little, you have to share a little (note the emphasis). You don't need to reveal your penile record, but telling them about that time at band camp is endearing.
- Frugal can be fun: dates don't have to be pricey, and you don't have to look like a jerk for saving money. That beach picnic? Most grocers sell low-cost cold/hot food to go you can pack your basket with, and your local L.I.Q. will happily choose an inexpensive wine for you. Even more frugal: wine, cheese, fruit, park, free concert. Bam ~ that's that Essence of Inexpensive. Ok, dead broke? Date needs a service? Offer to hook them up (detail their car, hem their pants, redesign their website...oops, I digress). That may include a free pass to their domicile as a bonus (caution: more on that later).
- The cart before the horse: Knowing what you (ultimately) want is cool. Focusing more on this, than the experience is so not. So, you want the punani/paymaster? Yeah - you and a gazillion other folks that hit on them. Today. The word for today is subtle. Enjoy his/her company, for this is the entrée. Anything else is icing...
- Fun in a can: The cool things you did with the ex? Probably not the cool thing you want to make sure the pre-future-ex does. Don't take her to the restaurant where the maître d' knows you by name and asks you where your ex is. Do take her to a new spot, charm the waitstaff, and impress her by having the maître d' ask you when you'll be back.
- Presumptive familiarity: don't put your feet on their couch, invite them over or invite yourself over before Date #1 (see #4). Even if you're "hooking them up" (see #3). This is the dating equivalent of introducing yourself, and then saying "I'd like to bang your back out, with as little financial impact as possible. Does that work for you?" It may work, but is this the person you really want to be hanging around for more than the 3-4 minutes it takes to reach fruition? 'Specially in your crib?
- Presumptive intimacy: don't ruin a perfectly good date, by thinking that it has to/should end in physical contact. I'm guilty of this one. Used to figure if I didn't at least get a hug, the guy wasn't interested. Maybe he's interested in more than just a hug, and is being a gentleman...
- Gentlemen finish first & manners matter: the quickest way to impress a woman (even if you're trying hard to rip her panties off with your teeth) is to be nice. Pick her up (in a car, not literally - sheesh). Open her door. Pull out her chair (not from under her, even to make the waitstaff chuckle). And ladies - act like one. If he offers to pick up the tab, hold the door, pull out your chair or detail your car - it's not a threat to your independence. Graciously accept and thank him profusely.
- Honesty really is...: ok, you know the rest. Seems obvious, but I'm amazed at the energy people will expend to hide what they want. If you want to be married - say that. If you're not ready for a commitment, say that. If you're just looking to be naked, covered with honey and feathers, as an automatic camera posts pictures of you and your date on YouTube.com ...ok, you probably want to keep that under your hat for a really rainy day. Just tell her you own webcam, she'll get the hint.
- Flowers are a man's best friend: When you're passing by a flower shop on the way to meet her, by her 3 orchids, and find out what kind they are. They're less expensive and more impressive than a dozen roses - because you exerted some effort to obtain them. Wildflowers, white, yellow or pink roses, a small African violet - all $10 or less, and she's left with a sparkle in her eye. Ladies, a boutonnière, perhaps?
...ok naysayers, yes Gareth dies about 3-4 minutes after that quote, but didn't he live fabulously for those 3-4 minutes? That's all I want y'all to do. Date fabulously. Ok, now go - it's Friday night. Man/Woman-Up!
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