MIA 7/18-7/22

Ok, so I've been gone for about a week. Here's what happened:

Class:: My employer is big on training - to maintain current skills, develop new skills, etc. So we have to do a suggested (read: mandatory) certain amount of training every year. Well, I had to get some in this past week. Now, normally - we do this offsite, at some local IT training center. You know the type - continental breakfast, free snacks, free Internet access, buffet lunch, and at least one "treat" (read: cheesecake) during the course. Like a work-vacation away from work. So I was looking forward to the class. But NOOOOOO - someone yanked the plug on that. I don't know if the bill was too high (classes run about $3K per person-week), or they wanted to keep an eye on us. So they moved the class on-site - YURGH. No breakfast, no snacks, and we're trapped in an 8 X 10 for a week with no PC.

I already didn't want to take the class, because I'm familiar with the material. My old boss thought it'd be a decent refresher. Whateva. I signed up mainly for the free cheesecake. But then I'm stuck in the room with a few colleagues, and these two Pakistani co-workers. Now don't get me wrong, I've worked with people from all cultural backgrounds. This is going to be so un-PC, but the asking questions jawn got on my gaht-dang nerves. Those two asked so many friggin questions, we barely got past the 1st two pages of our book. They asked so many questions, the instructor spent at least 4 hours (spread over the 5 days) saying "we haven't covered that yet" or "that's outside the scope of this topic". Seriously. I mean, if we were talking about how to get from point A to point B, they were asking shyt like "If a missile leaves at point D at 2:00PM, and a train leaves point Z at 4:00PM, and crosses our path enroute to point B, how will that affect our flight?" The instructor gave them the Scooby-Doo answer "I ron ro?!!" We were supposed to get thru 12 chapters of the book. By day 3, we'd only covered 5. The instructor jokingly TOLD THEM at the rate they were asking questions, we'd finish Sunday afternoon around 5PM. Do ya THINK that slowed them down? Shyt.

Geeky sidenote:: We think, therefore we is smart, right? I mean, that's the hustle of being a smart m****-f****. One of my homeboys asked me though, how I liked working in the IT field, and I told him it was a challenge. Well, he goes "you ain't tripping that - you've always been smart". My response: "yeah, but I work around a whole bunch of smart m****-f****'s. Suddenly, smart is relative as hell." That's the meat of the thing that was driving me up the wall about that class. These two were sharp, but also aware that this is a 5-day class on object-oriented analysis & UML...there's only SO MUCH YOU CAN COVER. You ain't gonna be a Systems Analyst after the class is over, unless you're a Systems Analyst when the class started, so just let the shyt go. And anyway, I'm the Queen of the Use Case - so tryina ask questions to prove yourself smarter is just a waste of YOUR time.

Drinking Sugarwater:: I'll admit being stressed out, so I needed to chill, and my girls were coming in town: Jill, Erykah, Dana, Marsha & Natalie. Ok, we really don't get down like that, but I love them like that, yanno? So, a few female coworkers & I planned the wine & hot wing thing (cheese binds), and hung out. The highlights:
~ Fulton Country Sheriffs - I was stuck in traffic for about an hour, to drive a 1/2 mile to get to Chastain Park. 1/2 mile » 1 hour. (I was delayed by a baby-sitter, 'nuff said). So, when I finally got near Chastain, and saw two Fulton County sheriffs chillin' instead of directing traffic, I got pissed - 'cause that doesn't happen when Boney James or Kem comes to town....
~ bootlegged a Red Lot - drove over the curb to park in the Red Lot. I was pissed, ok?
~ scalping tix for the lo-lo - $200 for a 6-seat table, and Red Lot pass. I'm never buying advance tix for anything like this again.
~ Red-Red Wine - my girl brought it, and who am I to turn down her gracious offer?
~ All dem Titties! - ok, I was good & drunk, and I put $60 in my bra, and it did end up on the ground beneath my feet. That shyt did end up being the joke of the evening: "all dem titties and you can't keep your $$$ in your bra?" Whew...
~ The Show 20min per artist, with minimal setup changes in between. Missed Floetry completely, came in on Queen Latifah, who had a tight set - coupla Dana trax (the girl's got chops), with a Latifah track thrown in. Then Jill Scott got down, like she always does. Can I just say Jill throws down the vocal gauntlet whenever she appears? And it's hard for ANYONE to challenge her, ok? And (let me gush for a sec) she epitomizes regal elegance whenever she graces the stage - her presence is centered and frankly "Golden". Followed by Erykah, who surprisingly returned to her head-wrapped roots. But, no time for incense-burning, or stately entrances - they've only got 20 minutes, remember? So, she brings the fiyah on "Other Side of the Game" and a coupla other tracks, before they pull the plug...

The Queen calling out the Diva:: So, Jill talks a lil, as she always does, about folks in the music business, assuming the title of Diva. Now she had a point, because you have to be in the game for a while, to be awarded the title of Diva. She admitted she doesn't feel she's qualified quite yet - and is just coming into her "Queendom". And she named some true Divas - Ella Fitzgerald, Nancy Wilson, Gladys Knight, Patti Labelle, etc. Now, another Queen (my friend Mia to be exact) supposes that she was calling out one of the other diva's on the tour. e.Badu perhaps? Hm...

11:00:00:: And not a second more. I guess the Chastain Park residents don't play that, so there's an ordinance that shuts down the show. Too bad they caught Ms. Badu mid-song. Cool show, but with all the traffic hangups, it was a teaser. Like foreplay, with no follow up. And I was good & high from the red wine (and the Weed in the air) by then...

Drag-racing down Roswell Road:: Traffic out of the park is redirected, so I end up on Roswell Road, listening to Raheem Devaughn (thanks to EJ, whom I lub, but I can't get that dayum song outta my head). This guy comes from behind me, and pulls up next to me, revving his engine and giving me the gas face. Now, I am driving a Jeep Cherokee, and he's in a Honda Civic. And I know those things got hops, but c'mon - I gotta 6..a MUCH BIGGER 6. And I ain't neva scared. So we pull off, and next thing I know I dust this m****-f**** doing 90. We get stopped 1/2 mile down the road at another light, and he does it again. I already proved my point, so I ain't gonna do it again - not to mention if Fulton County stopped me, they'd throw me under the jail. I let him peel off on his own. :-D

...so, I had a blast, and woke up Friday with a new 'tude. Unbit my tongue, and when I heard another "what if?", let it fly "Can you hold those questions? I'd like to make it to chapter 9 before lunch..." and got my hand smacked by the teacher for that (but it did feel good)....

And, oh yeah...it was some combination of the rain getting to Chastain, the ganja at Chastain, and the red wine (didn't get in my hair, but I had a hangover like you wouldn't believe), making my hair smell like swamp water. Washed it all out, and I am a new woman. Oh wait, there's another bottle of Merlot left. Can you hand me that corkscrew, please?