If you haven't read it yet, you're going to want to start with Part I. No recaps here...
Now, I really debated sharing this part. It's completely unflattering, to me & to my child (well, mostly to me). But in the spirit that I started this blog, the Credo and all that...I have to tell the story, the way it was meant to be told, and just tell the (ugly) truth, and dayum the liar. Even if the liar is me (to make myself look better).
My daughter went with me to lunch, and we shared these connected feelings. My daughter's grandfather was long gone before she was even a cell within my womb. So, we laughed & talked and hung out for a while, revelling in this familial spirit.
<sigh>
My son was with us, and bless his heart, wasn't remotely interested in any of this. He was disruptive at lunch, and demanding my attention the entire day. He interrupted my eating to go to the bathroom, and I could hardly carry on a conversation without him calling me. So, when we went window shopping after lunch, his incessant cries of "Mommy, Mommy" weren't completely ignored by me, but weren't exactly a priority either. He can be a real pill when I'm around, and will do this regardless of what he's doing - coloring, watching a movie, reading a book, playing with his action figures (no jokes from the peanut gallery), etc. So, I wasn't exactly ignoring him, but I needed the time out, amongst adults.
Now, here's where I f&*%$ed up. My daughter started getting frustrated with him, and I sensed her frustration. I was slightly frustrated as well. So she suggested that we leave, and I told her - I was fine. She insisted again that we should leave, and I told her again - I've GOT this. The third time was the charm. When she mentioned it again, I could plainly see embarassment in her face. I've seen this look on her face before, at the movies when I've had to remove my son to discipline him, or at a restaurant when he's acted up. And I've never called her on it. I wasn't going to this time either. "Ok, fine" I shot at her, and stomped back to the car, Hammy in tow. theChaos followed suit.
Y'all know about that Taurus temper, right? It's legendary, and while I'm pretty good at controlling it, once I fire off that warning shot, it's best to leave me pretty much alone. My daughter, while very aware of this, has a temper of her own...
..and this time - she needed to talk this out. I really needed to NOT talk this out. The twain should never have met. Her nickname is theChaos y'all, and she didn't just give herself that name for the hell of it...
theChaos: I just wanted to leave, because I know Hammy is tired, and maybe you should take him to the park
saga (angry): Let's not talk about this.
theChaos: Well, I'm just saying...we haven't done anything today for him. He's probably tired and wants to play.
saga: I told you I had him. He was fine.
theChaos: I heard you, but I'm just saying...
saga: He's always like that. Hammy was calling me every 5 minutes during lunch, and no one noticed that I wasn't eating.
theChaos: But...
saga (loud): Let me finish - I wasn't done talking. We went to the bathroom 5 times during the meal, and he didn't do anything, except wash his hands, and irritate me. My food was cold by the time I got back to the table.
theChaos: But Ma...you know he was bored....
saga (livid as much by the interruptions as by the conversation): he was playing with _____ (my 7 yr old cousin, who has Down's syndrome). He was still doing what he wanted, coloring on the table - but calling me every 5 minutes. He does this ALL THE TIME. If I take him to the movies this second, he'll still do it. If I take him to the park, he'll be calling me from the slide, doing the same thing. I'm so tired of people acting like my life ended when I had Hammy. But you know what, that's not a problem. My problem is you.
theChaos: hunh?
saga (if it was possible for me to get any more livid, I did it here...): I can take his behavior - I'm used to that. I can deal with the disruptions. I can even deal with the stares from strangers that look at him with embarassment. What I can't take is that same look coming from you...
theChaos (becoming angry now): Oh no - so you're just assuming I was embarassed...I was there everyday with him just like you were..I lived with it just like you did.
saga: I don't have to assume anything. Act like I raised you - I can see it all over your face....this isn't the first time I've seen this...it's just the first time I actually called you on it...
theChaos (livid, voiced raised): See, you're just being selfish. You're frustrated because of the situation you're in with Hammy, and you're taking it out on me because you can't do anything about it...
saga: that's it - GET THE F&*% OUTTA MY CAR. NOW.
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